bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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