I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
