There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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