Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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