just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
