well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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