it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
