Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
