Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
