About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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