I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
