I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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