Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
