dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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