So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Randomize
