i just sent this text using only my big toe
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Randomize
