what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
