SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Vodka?
Forever.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize
