awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
