i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Randomize