Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Randomize
