i wish my penis had a tongue
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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