Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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