so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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