I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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