I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
