dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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