Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
