whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize