whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
