My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
