Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
