Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I can text with my tongue
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
