non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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