I just saw a hot homeless man
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
