do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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