I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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