I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
