i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
