i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
