I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
