You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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