I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
