I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Randomize
