I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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