The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
