now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
