What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Randomize
