My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
