someone get that fucking seahorse.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
