i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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