well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize