Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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