the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
