Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
