If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
