i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
