grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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