I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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