Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize