I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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