Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
