i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
