im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
