Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
