Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
