All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
just come out here and I will go home with you...
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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