I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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