I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
